Kick Start to a Colourful Life

it has been a while that I've not written a post that is as long as an essay. right now, at 4.35pm as I'm typing this.. the weather is pretty cloudy and about to rain soon, I'm in the kitchen with my dad and sis, and I'm typing while drinking Lihing (one of Sabah's favourite local drink). actually, currently I'm out of ideas to post up a new blog entry since I'm back here in my home in Sabah and while I was briefly in Kuala Lumpur, there were hardly anything new happening. rather it's the common stagnant feeling that I have ever since I stopped badminton training.

and now it's the holidays season with Merdeka coming and also Hari Raya Aidilfitri. hahaha... even now I'm feeling bored. I just want to meet my St. Michael classmates and I hoped that we will meet as soon as possible since almost everybody is back here.

and obviously for me, while I'm in this "stagnant" state, I would dwell on past events.. wondered why it would never be the same again. must the term "move on" always be put into practice? my life has never been in my favour. well, it does always come in my favour in its own way too. but the big things that could have a major impact to me.. so far, never ends in the way that I expected it.

it all starts with an idea of how you would like to craft your life.. your ideal way of life. and of course, each individual always come up with an idea that will bear good fruit in the future, generally. I'm not including the bad ideas okay, so, I'm all in the positive. like me, my idea was: health, wealth, comfort, happiness. those are the small ones. as for the big ones: badminton, love. so far, there's only these two big ideas that I came up with. as for the rest such as being a doctor, succeeding the family's business are ideas that my family came up for me. honestly, I'm happy with it.

when I know that my badminton ideas failed because I can only live a quarter of it and never really excel in it, I was only left with something that I can depend on, love. not I meant by the love by friends and family... that love is already and currently perfect with me. I'm talking about THE LOVE. most people, young people, would fall in love with someone. it's practically common among people of my age nowadays. somehow, it's the most important and beautiful thing in the whole galaxy. but ever since losing it, I don't even know what it is anymore and I certainly don't feel any way close to it like before. that is why my recent relationship didn't work out. I feel guilty but no regrets.. at least I let her go before I hurt her any more further. to my surprise, I didn't care, not one bit. now I view myself as a heartless guy.. but honestly, I don't know what to feel and what to care for what I did. all I know is that she should be thankful that it ended.

I have more to say, but I don't want to type that long. keeping it moderate long you know :p. so anyway, what I'm trying to say is, this is how real life starts.. first, you live with everything coming your way, from your school days of course. then you gained a lot, that's the good part. at the end of your school days, slowly, your start to lose everything (not entirely everything).. this marks your new beginning, going into adulthood, starting from scratch, do new things, and meet new people. but it doesn't have to be like how I described here. it's just that this is how my new life would start. I have to keep on being positive, find strength in my weakness..

I lost everything, but it's my kick start to a colourful life.