All the New Same Things

Pretty much the same blogging I've been doing for the past years (since 2007). To be honest, I can't seem to stop blogging about my life. Not that I want to, but it's just for the record. Well, I have been blogging about my life still.. though I feel it has become more personal that I've actually had another blog page on blogger that has been restricted to only myself. The purpose of my change of heart to life-blog on a privatized page was due to not expose my vulnerable self.

Anyways, still, I would occasionally update some "things" here as some close friends and family would like to know about what I've been doing so far and how am I doing so far in life.

Living abroad

To start, let's summarize 2012.. First and foremost, I've never imagined furthering my studies to a university at such a young age (at 19) and furthermore it's so far away from my homeland! It was pretty exciting at first but makes you miss your home a lot more than usual too. The fact is, I'll only to be able to come home once (sometimes twice) a year during the summer holidays in June. I'm getting old now so I guess it's no harm learning how to live and experience life away from family.

KSMU

Didn't actually took long for me to get used to the new environment. It still took me about 7 months to get used to life in the foreign country. Mainly I think it's because of the new language which currently is the hardest language I've ever learnt. So far, I'm able to use the language when buying things at shops and shopping complexes in Russia, and very small conversations with the locals.

My awesome roommate; Musson

Then, as usual, the drama.. yeah, you get the drill. I was still kinda stuck in the past at the time, dealing with my ex is one of them. I guess some scars between two individuals can never be healed once it became too deep. Took months for me to actually get out of it. I'm not the kind of person who likes to be harsh and mean towards problems like this.. but somehow the circumstances forced me to do so when it becomes too much. I didn't like how it ended, but that's how it should be I guess. My mistake was I cared too much of others that I keep hurting myself. I needed to take a stand and be selfish for this matter.

In October, I had my own sweet moment when I emerged triumph in the KSMU MY Games Badminton Championships 2012 for the men singles and men doubles event. Took 7 rounds for me in the singles event and 9 rounds in the doubles event. Mainly I played using experience because I'm not physically at my best, won all matches in straight games, and was the youngest winner for both events. Hopefully after this, the badminton team would consider my status as the top gun for the Malaysian KSMU badminton team to help others be better in badminton. I'm thinking of taking up as a coach for the team as we're still lacking quality and also quantity. It's not confirmed yet whether I want that position or not.

Let's play badminton!

Double Gold!

Ora et Labora, Pray and Work Hard

As for my studies, life will be hectic until the end of 3rd year. I'm currently coping well with it although it gives me headache most of the time. I ended my 1st year with a good result for Biology.. yes, only one final paper *laughs*. It gets harder from now on, I mean, it's never going to be easy, right? Let's just see how all this play out. All I can say is, study schedules currently reminded me of my time back in high school. We get about 10 subjects per semester and we're given tests most of the time. Honestly speaking, it's a pain in the ass.. but I'll always remind myself that all hardships are worth it. Sometimes I complain because I thought hectic number of subjects should already end in high school.. just saying.

Oh yeah, forgot to mention one thing; Love Phase 9. Yes, I fall in love again surprisingly. I have to stress it out here that.. it didn't work out. In life, it takes two to tango. In this case, I'm the only one who wants to tango. I learnt that, no matter what you did, how much time you spent, and how much you care.. it's never working out if the person of interest doesn't feel the same way, without considering time. I did the same thing to the person who loved me before, and I didn't know how she felt until it actually happened to me. Though blinded by false hopes and signals, I still feel good and happy of the things I did. The friendship itself mean a lot to me. It'll be hard for me to fall back to this but I'll give it a try. It's the least I can do.

Well, that's about it I guess. I'm considering updating my life here more often again. Classified stories will, of course, still stay at my personal blog page. Those stories are off limits.

Until then, wishing you all a great year ahead (kinda late for that, don't you think? xD) in this year 2013 :D

Perfect

How do we picture perfection?

How do we picture imperfection?

A very well written poem

would mean a thousand words

And so it would be meaningless

The skillful and the less skillful

The smart and the less smart

The beautiful and the less beautiful

How do we picture perfection?

How do we picture imperfection?

The loved and the hated

the popular and the unpopular

the lucky and the unlucky

Where do we stand?

How are we to live with such perfection?

Or such imperfection?

If a picture paints a thousand words

Then a person

or a thing

Paints a thousand words as well

Who are we to these words of mouth?

We are perfect

We are imperfect

Put those together

It's still perfect as it is

As you are

As I am

As we all are

Loved or hated

We are always perfect to someone

God is perfect He created us perfect

Forget peer pressure

Because life belongs to us

You, me, we

Are a thousand words of perfection

Love Phase 9: Take Your Sweet Time

Hello people, and to the world. I'm giving up to another of my limited time for blogging. And yes, it's been, again, so long since I did so.

As I have mentioned it long before, I quit publicizing my life on the internet. I find it better sharing it personally among my friends.

But.. there's something I wanted to say. And I don't often do this anymore.

I held back many things that I wanted to say to her. But all of them led to one fact: my feelings for her. Those words include "a shoulder to cry on", "be there for you", "your comfort every day", "I wanted to love someone like you", and many more others.. all held back and replaced with some words better fitted for "just friends". Her interest for another guy made me held back more. Ending up silently falling for her everyday.

And yes, it is often that I took interest to girls first out of curiosity... that I judged her but it so happens that she was the opposite of the person I thought she was. Later to find out that she was my type of girl. I can't really find the right words to explain why I felt this way towards her. I tried.. yet it still doesn't really express it. The fact that I was being in the friend-zone, the relationship still felt special, at least for me. We shared stories, throw jokes, laughed, and I don't think we've done much yet because of the busy study schedule we both have.

We grew to be best friends together. And it's only going into the 1st year of our friendship. As I do appreciate the friendship a lot more than anyone can imagine, I wanted more than that. But because of this, I get pretty weird sometimes around her; which I was constantly commented on by her and was labelled "alien" along with my other buddy. But I gave a thought about what if I never did tell her about what I felt? I mean, I've made it known to her twice already and of course I wasn't that lucky enough. Things went bad for a while before we started talking to each other again. That's when I thought I can tell myself; maybe she's not the one. Yet, the feelings get the better of me.

She often thinks that no guy would want her, I mean, why would she think that? As far as I know, she's funny, smart, a good listener, friendly, beautifully cute (is that a word? *laughs*), and to top it all off, she's the best girl-friend I've ever had. I may have overlooked her weaknesses sometimes like being easily mad but that's not a big deal to me because nobody's perfect, like me being almost sensitive to all sorts of emotions, and that I always depended on people I trust to keep me looking forward instead of looking back.

Finally, it was the 3rd time I told her about my feelings towards her, though it was forced out of my mouth... and it looks like she's giving me a chance this time. However, time and space is all that she needs right now. I noticed confusion in her. And I'm not gonna push it.

So, I wanted to say, take your sweet time. I will be here, anytime, for you.

Played Your Heart

"This piece was inspired by a past relationship :)"

A thousand girls came into my life

Like any other typical love cycles

False promises, dishonesty, betrayal

It's just another 'come and go' routine

And then you came around

There's something different about you

Why is this happening?

What am I experiencing?

There was no one like her before

That I can say without a doubt for the very first time

I admit, I played your heart

Because of my past

I thought you're like them

And I failed to be the honest man

But when I'm with you

You loved me like no one else did before

And my search for the One is over

Because I have finally met you

Dilemma

Dilemma

Words from the author; 

"Hey world! Been quite a while I've not blogged. Now I'm back again with another 'heartbreaking' poem piece I made during my short free time. Kinda lame because, why won't I make HAPPY love poems?! Well, I was thinking of making one next time. Anyway, thanks for visiting my blog! Appreciated it :) "

I wondered how much fault I did

To this extent that you pierced right through me

Is this how you repay me

For being there for you when the world was against you?

I wondered how low I felt

You drove the memories down the hall

Heartless

That is all that is needed to break another's heart

I've done everything I could

to bring just one smile on your face

The chase was for your heart

But it wasn't as easy as it seems

when I'm not the one needed by your side

I honestly never felt like this

Not for anyone else before

This need for her 'till I was left powerless

And the thought that I could just let this pass by

Now I'm stuck with loving you

It's too late for me to look back

These feelings for you is incomprehensibly beautiful

And I just can't stay away from you anymore

Don't Let it End

Don't let it end
Don't let it end

Don't ever let it end

Well, I got two tickets to the game

It would be great if I could take you to it this Sunday

and, I'll walk you home when the whole thing's done

If you're there, I don't even care which team won

We could stop at the coffee shop

And make fun of the cops in the parking lot

We could laugh as we both pretend that we're not in love

and that we're just good friends

Well, I'm tired of pretending

But I'm terrified of it ending

and I know when I'm with you

There's nothing I could do to ever let it end

And I know you feel the same way

because you told me drunk on your birthday

And as you pulled me near, whispered in my ear

Don't ever let it end

Don't let it end

Don't let it end

Don't ever let it end

Saturday I'm gonna take her out

Because her favourite band is gonna play downtown

Gonna sing the song we've all heard of

About those two young friend that should have fell in love

Later on we'll cut through the park

And she can hold my hand because she hate the dark

And we can laugh as we both pretend that we're not in love

and that we're just good friends

Well, I'm tired of pretending

But I'm terrified of it ending

and I know when I'm with you

There's nothing I could do to ever let it end

And I know you feel the same way

because you told me drunk on your birthday

And as you pulled me near, whispered in my ear

Don't ever let it end

(Please promise me that this won't end)

Don't let it end

Don't let it end

Don't ever let it end

Greatest times we ever had

It's crazy now just looking back we can laugh

and you never know where life's gonna go

Because we're the only ones who will ever know

About Sunday night, just her and I

Sitting side by side in the full moon light

I pulled her close just to hold her tight

And the both of us could tell it just felt right

She looked at me in the sweetest way

Like she could tell what the hell I was about to say

Must have took a while just to find the words cos' she cut me off and finally said it first

Well, I'm tired of pretending

But I'm terrified of it ending

I know if not for you

There's nothing I could do to ever let it end

And you know I feel the same way

because I told you drunk on my birthday

And as you pulled to me, you whispered in my ear

"Don't ever let it end"

(Please promise me that this won't end)
Don't let it end

Don't let it end

Don't ever let it end

-Don't Ever Let it End by Nickelback

When Nice Guys Finish Last

Well, pic says it all. Best find a new one who can really appreciate your hard work