Hello people, and to the world. I'm giving up to another of my limited time for blogging. And yes, it's been, again, so long since I did so.
As I have mentioned it long before, I quit publicizing my life on the internet. I find it better sharing it personally among my friends.
But.. there's something I wanted to say. And I don't often do this anymore.
I held back many things that I wanted to say to her. But all of them led to one fact: my feelings for her. Those words include "a shoulder to cry on", "be there for you", "your comfort every day", "I wanted to love someone like you", and many more others.. all held back and replaced with some words better fitted for "just friends". Her interest for another guy made me held back more. Ending up silently falling for her everyday.
And yes, it is often that I took interest to girls first out of curiosity... that I judged her but it so happens that she was the opposite of the person I thought she was. Later to find out that she was my type of girl. I can't really find the right words to explain why I felt this way towards her. I tried.. yet it still doesn't really express it. The fact that I was being in the friend-zone, the relationship still felt special, at least for me. We shared stories, throw jokes, laughed, and I don't think we've done much yet because of the busy study schedule we both have.
We grew to be best friends together. And it's only going into the 1st year of our friendship. As I do appreciate the friendship a lot more than anyone can imagine, I wanted more than that. But because of this, I get pretty weird sometimes around her; which I was constantly commented on by her and was labelled "alien" along with my other buddy. But I gave a thought about what if I never did tell her about what I felt? I mean, I've made it known to her twice already and of course I wasn't that lucky enough. Things went bad for a while before we started talking to each other again. That's when I thought I can tell myself; maybe she's not the one. Yet, the feelings get the better of me.
She often thinks that no guy would want her, I mean, why would she think that? As far as I know, she's funny, smart, a good listener, friendly, beautifully cute (is that a word? *laughs*), and to top it all off, she's the best girl-friend I've ever had. I may have overlooked her weaknesses sometimes like being easily mad but that's not a big deal to me because nobody's perfect, like me being almost sensitive to all sorts of emotions, and that I always depended on people I trust to keep me looking forward instead of looking back.
We grew to be best friends together. And it's only going into the 1st year of our friendship. As I do appreciate the friendship a lot more than anyone can imagine, I wanted more than that. But because of this, I get pretty weird sometimes around her; which I was constantly commented on by her and was labelled "alien" along with my other buddy. But I gave a thought about what if I never did tell her about what I felt? I mean, I've made it known to her twice already and of course I wasn't that lucky enough. Things went bad for a while before we started talking to each other again. That's when I thought I can tell myself; maybe she's not the one. Yet, the feelings get the better of me.
She often thinks that no guy would want her, I mean, why would she think that? As far as I know, she's funny, smart, a good listener, friendly, beautifully cute (is that a word? *laughs*), and to top it all off, she's the best girl-friend I've ever had. I may have overlooked her weaknesses sometimes like being easily mad but that's not a big deal to me because nobody's perfect, like me being almost sensitive to all sorts of emotions, and that I always depended on people I trust to keep me looking forward instead of looking back.
Finally, it was the 3rd time I told her about my feelings towards her, though it was forced out of my mouth... and it looks like she's giving me a chance this time. However, time and space is all that she needs right now. I noticed confusion in her. And I'm not gonna push it.
So, I wanted to say, take your sweet time. I will be here, anytime, for you.
Hi zico...its part and parcel of an early blooming love life. We all go thru the same love process in life with the same objective of finding the right person to fall for...in most cases it evolves with someone close at hand. We have expectation of the ideal person we would like the person to be, but then again no one person are born the same...the family upbringing, the surroundings and the kind of early exposure they get, people she had interacted, the experiences in life that she could have gone thru are the molding ingredients that makes up a person for what they are today. The differences you have with her makes it all the more challenging...a person who thinks well and wise will change for the better. Enjoy each day of your sweet time while keeping focus on your purpose to be there...we are always proud of you and your excellent achievement in your studies, sports and other aspect of you. I noted u can write well, very descriptive, easy to to read and understand. Its like one can picture what you write in one's mind. Ya you can write a good book that's very touching. I remember a website somewhere where they allow you to write some poems or stories of international standard. They are judges to judge your poems and you will have to go thru some rounds of judging until you reach a final round where they will decide a winner. If you win you will be given a certificate and a plague recognize internationally. Just for you to think about next time lah. All the best in everything you do and decide...cheers. From LittleBorneo Tarzan
ReplyDelete