Used To

"You used to talk to me..

Like I was the only one around.."

Hi guys, I'm back again to blogging. been not have that much time and usually I've not new ideas about what to blog. Even my previous post was actually an old post that never made it into my blog until now. Things have been quieter now since then.. well, literally it was always quiet. But I never really felt lonely during the course I was studying at college. And although I was spent most of my time with classmates and housemates, I still needed to talk to someone. The person I cherished and loved the most (other than my family), I called her my Best Friend Forever.

However, it seem now like we're not even friends at all..

We argued a few times before.. especially last year in 2011. It started with a break in our special relationship, then you tried to be friends with me but being the stubborn one, I was reluctant at first. I took that opportunity to fire you back with heated words in every conversation we had. and honestly, with every conversation, I felt bad doing so but I wasn't thinking wisely at the time. The day you couldn't take it anymore, we lose contact again. I couldn't take it as well, I can't seem to accept being friends with you. It would be too painful for me to bear. but it's not like the first time I have to bear with you.

when your mum have to come into the picture, we reconciled and we became friends again.. in which I was still not being entirely honest about it. I was again trying to break this all up. Slowly I began to change my mind and then opened up more to you but clearly still holding back many things that I wanted to say. I soften up and became more comfortable in this "friendship". I guess it's because it reminds me a lot of  us when we're together doing things. Though, the only part missing was you pissing me off *giggles*.

All the time we were chatting, I tend to forget that you're already with someone else.. or maybe I just didn't care. I understand that it's kinda not right for me to say or do this but we're just "friends" right? I mean.. at least that's what you think. Usually, I would try to tell you hints about what I thought about all our conversations.. that this may be the last that I'll be able to contact you like this. because when we'll finally meet, it will not be the same again. I have to "control" myself from then onwards when that happens. You know, for the sake of your current relationship to be a happy one. It is my tendency to make everyone happy. Maybe that's why I'm always feeling sad and alone. Still, the one thing important to me, is that you're happy.

Perhaps that I let my feelings get the better of me.. it was a stupid move to let you know about my feelings towards you. I was mad, because you didn't know.. again I forgot about your current relationship. You have to push me away, all the friendship that you offered me are all now taken back. I tried to change your mind but as usual, I have to let you go. I felt worse than how I lose you before.. I don't need to say more; being the emotional guy I am.

You are going to read this too after I posted this.. therefore, I got something to say to you; what you did was right when you pushed me away. It was the best decision possible, I don't have anything against it if it were for the best. However, just letting you know that, I'm always available to talk to whenever you're free. Otherwise, I will just ignore you (with good reason).

please do not take pity on me, simply understand why some friendships are important to each individual. I failed to maintain mine, I have to live with that..

"Can we get this back..

to how it used to be.."