Recovery

It's getting worse every day..

I'm getting tired of this..

I can only pray that one day I will recover..

..I don't want to fake a smile forever..

Used To

"You used to talk to me..

Like I was the only one around.."

Hi guys, I'm back again to blogging. been not have that much time and usually I've not new ideas about what to blog. Even my previous post was actually an old post that never made it into my blog until now. Things have been quieter now since then.. well, literally it was always quiet. But I never really felt lonely during the course I was studying at college. And although I was spent most of my time with classmates and housemates, I still needed to talk to someone. The person I cherished and loved the most (other than my family), I called her my Best Friend Forever.

However, it seem now like we're not even friends at all..

We argued a few times before.. especially last year in 2011. It started with a break in our special relationship, then you tried to be friends with me but being the stubborn one, I was reluctant at first. I took that opportunity to fire you back with heated words in every conversation we had. and honestly, with every conversation, I felt bad doing so but I wasn't thinking wisely at the time. The day you couldn't take it anymore, we lose contact again. I couldn't take it as well, I can't seem to accept being friends with you. It would be too painful for me to bear. but it's not like the first time I have to bear with you.

when your mum have to come into the picture, we reconciled and we became friends again.. in which I was still not being entirely honest about it. I was again trying to break this all up. Slowly I began to change my mind and then opened up more to you but clearly still holding back many things that I wanted to say. I soften up and became more comfortable in this "friendship". I guess it's because it reminds me a lot of  us when we're together doing things. Though, the only part missing was you pissing me off *giggles*.

All the time we were chatting, I tend to forget that you're already with someone else.. or maybe I just didn't care. I understand that it's kinda not right for me to say or do this but we're just "friends" right? I mean.. at least that's what you think. Usually, I would try to tell you hints about what I thought about all our conversations.. that this may be the last that I'll be able to contact you like this. because when we'll finally meet, it will not be the same again. I have to "control" myself from then onwards when that happens. You know, for the sake of your current relationship to be a happy one. It is my tendency to make everyone happy. Maybe that's why I'm always feeling sad and alone. Still, the one thing important to me, is that you're happy.

Perhaps that I let my feelings get the better of me.. it was a stupid move to let you know about my feelings towards you. I was mad, because you didn't know.. again I forgot about your current relationship. You have to push me away, all the friendship that you offered me are all now taken back. I tried to change your mind but as usual, I have to let you go. I felt worse than how I lose you before.. I don't need to say more; being the emotional guy I am.

You are going to read this too after I posted this.. therefore, I got something to say to you; what you did was right when you pushed me away. It was the best decision possible, I don't have anything against it if it were for the best. However, just letting you know that, I'm always available to talk to whenever you're free. Otherwise, I will just ignore you (with good reason).

please do not take pity on me, simply understand why some friendships are important to each individual. I failed to maintain mine, I have to live with that..

"Can we get this back..

to how it used to be.."

Lee Chong Wei: My Inspirational Player

"Lee Chong Wei, for me, he is currently the most celebrated badminton player in Malaysia. in fact, he is THE BEST player Malaysia ever had. I'm supporting him not solely because he's a Malaysian, but as a player and person. I totally love every move he makes; his skills, speed, power and defence. although Lin Dan has got a slightly better form than Chong Wei, I still prefer Chong Wei."                          

back in the days when I first started playing badminton, I don't know what was going on in the world of badminton. I only knew that it is my family's most favourite and played sports. as a matter of fact, badminton is the only sport I can play well.

in 2006, the name "Lee Chong Wei" rang into my ears by my friends who also fancy badminton. at that time, he just recently won the Malaysia Open defeating Lin Dan in an epic final where he was down by 13-20 in the decider (3rd set) and eventually won 23-21. I got interested in this person and asked them who is this person who won the title mentioned. at that time also, I wasn't allowed to use the internet so I have to ask from my friends regarding this badminton sensation. he was ranked 4 in the world at that time before shooting up to no.1 for a short period of time. when I finally get hold of the internet at home, immediately I searched for videos of all his matches. from there, I was inspired; I wanted to play like him.

from then on, I got to know many other great players in the world like Taufik Hidayat, Peter Gade, Chen Hong, Sony Dwi Kuncoro, Lin Dan, and more. badminton in singles category became my 1st choice after that. all the way, I've been supporting Lee Chong Wei back at home; from World Championships to Olympics and the Asian Games. despite his lost multiple times at key tournaments, I continued to support him. and because of him, my dream was to become a great badminton player like him one day. however, my parents weren't supportive on the matter. still, I continue to play badminton regularly with my cousins and uncles, where my play style is heavily similar to Lee Chong Wei though a bit slower. because of this, a lot of my friends and family say I resembled him in looks and play style. some even mistaken me as the Malaysian ace.

the attributes of fast movements, crazy defences, and skillful play inspired me to play like LCW

Chong Wei was awarded the Datukship title (equivalent to knighthood in England) upon bringing back silver from the 2008 Beijing Olympics and has been the world no.1 for more than 3 years now (as of 2011). for me, that is indeed a great feat in terms of consistency. he also won the national title 10 times in a row since 2002. an achievement which no Malaysian can beat in a long time.

as a big fan of him, I often get upset with him losing big tournaments. especially the recent World Championships 2011. he was 20-18 up in the decider with only one more point to settle and become the first Malaysian to ever lift the world title. sadly he failed to deliver. despite his loss, he is still a champion to me. some people will lose faith in Chong Wei and go over supporting the bigger name like Lin Dan. well, can't blame them though, people choose their own favourite player. I have to admit, Lin Dan is also my favourite player after Lee Chong Wei.

well, the best thing about this great badminton player; is his humbleness on court and off-court. he is always gracious in defeat, even so in triumph! he is a champion at heart and never let success goes to his head. he never looks down on an opponent and always taking challenges seriously. he is the man to be inspired of.

I have to give a salute to Lee as he is the player carrying the most burden in trying to deliver the goods for Malaysia. besides Chong Wei, who else will carry flag?? upcoming players should emulate China's rising star Chen Long if they want to join the likes of Lin Dan and Lee Chong Wei.

with all there is about Lee Chong Wei, I close this entry with a phrase, "LEE CHONG WEI BOLEH!"