Hello people, and to the world. I'm giving up to another of my limited time for blogging. And yes, it's been, again, so long since I did so.
As I have mentioned it long before, I quit publicizing my life on the internet. I find it better sharing it personally among my friends.
But.. there's something I wanted to say. And I don't often do this anymore.
I held back many things that I wanted to say to her. But all of them led to one fact: my feelings for her. Those words include "a shoulder to cry on", "be there for you", "your comfort every day", "I wanted to love someone like you", and many more others.. all held back and replaced with some words better fitted for "just friends". Her interest for another guy made me held back more. Ending up silently falling for her everyday.
And yes, it is often that I took interest to girls first out of curiosity... that I judged her but it so happens that she was the opposite of the person I thought she was. Later to find out that she was my type of girl. I can't really find the right words to explain why I felt this way towards her. I tried.. yet it still doesn't really express it. The fact that I was being in the friend-zone, the relationship still felt special, at least for me. We shared stories, throw jokes, laughed, and I don't think we've done much yet because of the busy study schedule we both have.
We grew to be best friends together. And it's only going into the 1st year of our friendship. As I do appreciate the friendship a lot more than anyone can imagine, I wanted more than that. But because of this, I get pretty weird sometimes around her; which I was constantly commented on by her and was labelled "alien" along with my other buddy. But I gave a thought about what if I never did tell her about what I felt? I mean, I've made it known to her twice already and of course I wasn't that lucky enough. Things went bad for a while before we started talking to each other again. That's when I thought I can tell myself; maybe she's not the one. Yet, the feelings get the better of me.
She often thinks that no guy would want her, I mean, why would she think that? As far as I know, she's funny, smart, a good listener, friendly, beautifully cute (is that a word? *laughs*), and to top it all off, she's the best girl-friend I've ever had. I may have overlooked her weaknesses sometimes like being easily mad but that's not a big deal to me because nobody's perfect, like me being almost sensitive to all sorts of emotions, and that I always depended on people I trust to keep me looking forward instead of looking back.
Finally, it was the 3rd time I told her about my feelings towards her, though it was forced out of my mouth... and it looks like she's giving me a chance this time. However, time and space is all that she needs right now. I noticed confusion in her. And I'm not gonna push it.
So, I wanted to say, take your sweet time. I will be here, anytime, for you.
"Hey world! Been quite a while I've not blogged. Now I'm back again with another 'heartbreaking' poem piece I made during my short free time. Kinda lame because, why won't I make HAPPY love poems?! Well, I was thinking of making one next time. Anyway, thanks for visiting my blog! Appreciated it :) "
I wondered how much fault I did
To this extent that you pierced right through me
Is this how you repay me
For being there for you when the world was against you?
I wondered how low I felt
You drove the memories down the hall
Heartless
That is all that is needed to break another's heart
I've done everything I could
to bring just one smile on your face
The chase was for your heart
But it wasn't as easy as it seems
when I'm not the one needed by your side
I honestly never felt like this
Not for anyone else before
This need for her 'till I was left powerless
And the thought that I could just let this pass by
Now I'm stuck with loving you
It's too late for me to look back
These feelings for you is incomprehensibly beautiful
I'm at a payphone trying to call home
All of my change I spent on you
Where have the times gone
Baby it's all wrong, where are the plans we made for two?
Yeah, I, I know it's hard to remember
The people we used to be
It's even harder to picture
That you're not here next to me
You say it's too late to make it
But is it too late to try?
And in our time that you wasted
All of our bridges burned down
I've wasted my nights
You turned out the lights
Now I'm paralyzed
Still stuck in that time when we called it love
But even the sun sets in paradise
I'm at a payphone trying to call home
All of my change I spent on you
Where have the times gone
Baby it's all wrong, where are the plans we made for two?
If happy ever after did exist
I would still be holding you like this
All those fairy tales are full of sh*t
One more f*cking love song I'll be sick
You turned your back on tomorrow
Cause you forgot yesterday
I gave you my love to borrow
But just gave it away
You can't expect me to be fine
I don't expect you to care
I know I've said it before
But all of our bridges burned down
I've wasted my nights
You turned out the lights
Now I'm paralyzed
Still stuck in that time when we called it love
But even the sun sets in paradise
I'm at a payphone trying to call home
All of my change I spent on you
Where have the times gone
Baby it's all wrong, where are the plans we made for two?
If happy ever after did exist
I would still be holding you like this
All those fairy tales are full of sh*t
one more f*cking love song I'll be sick
Now I'm at a payphone...
Man f*ck that sh*t
I'll be out spending all this money while you sitting around
Wondering why it wasn't you who came up from nothing
Made it from the bottom
Now when you see me I'm stunning
And all of my cars start with the push up a button
Telling me the chances I blew up or whatever you call it
Switched the number to my phone
So you never could call it
Don't need my name on my show
You can tell it I'm ballin'
Swish, what a shame could have got picked
Had a really good game but you missed your last shot
So you talk about who you see at the top
Or what you could've saw
But sad to say it's over for
Phantom pulled up valet open doors
Wiz like go away, got what you was looking for
Now ask me who they want
So you can go and take that little piece of sh*t with you
I'm at a payphone trying to call home
All of my change I spent on you
Where have the times gone
Baby it's all wrong, where are the plans we made for two?
If happy ever after did exist
I would still be holding you like this
All those fairy tales are full of sh*t
One more f*cking love song I'll be sick
My time to end college draws near.. and NO, I'M NOT SPOILING anything for Part 4 and NO, THIS IS ALSO NOT PART 4. It's just a short post to say it out loud that, I've graduated from college! Now all that's left is the final semester exams which of course would be easy.. if I'm done with revision (-_-)...
First of all, I would like to express that this has been a long journey (though high school is much longer) but I've experienced and learnt a lot of things about college and personal life as well. Maybe because of that, I didn't have to time to blog at all! And it is obvious that instead of writing something else interesting in this blog, I'm only blogging about my life! I'll write more on it in the official end of the KL Part series.
Okay then, wishing myself all the luck. May God also be guiding me again like last semester.
Those who are really celebrating Forever Alone Day, here's some song dedication for you guys! Haha! This is especially for the single dudes who tried winning back someone they love but had to give up in the end under forceful circumstances. Enjoy! Song by Jang Woo Hyuk - Time is (L)Over (note: lyrics are translated)
Verse 1:
Wanna tell you but, I can't say anything
And you noticed, I'm only looking at you
As this time goes by, (I want you more)
I think the world is about to end, girl
The time we spend together doesn't pass as fast
That time with you, only seems like a blurred memory
The night is coming and the lights are turned off one by one
I miss those endless times when they didn't seem to end
What should I do baby? What do I do now?
Bridge:
This Time I've been waiting all day
For you in front of your house
Remembering all the pictures we took together
But I can't stand being here anymore, the time is over
Chorus:
Like this, it seems to be over but it's driving me crazy
The way we are, the way we are, the time is over
Everything's over, the world is over
The way we are, the way we are, the time is over
Verse 2:
Now I'm on the street bench in front of your house
We're not even making sad memories
I wish this was all just a dream
Because if it was, I'd be okay with it
But when you open your eyes (time is over)
I don't think this is over
A late night is the morning for me
I remember the memories we made
I don't know how I became like this
*Repeat Bridge and Chorus*
Girl time stopped
Maybe there's no more time left to stay beside you
Girl I'm so sorry, you're beautiful and wonderful
And this man right here will love you all his life
Valentine's Day is here! Well, for me it's just another ordinary day for a single man like me. If you're asking me what was I doing the whole day.. hmm.. you can list down a few; a date? going out with a partner to watch a movie? Nah.. I'm doing none of that. I only had a date with college. My finals is getting near (1 more week) and finally I'll graduate from college! Not long after that I'll be able to pursue my degree in medicine.
Anyway, back to Valentine's.. so why the specific date? for non-working guys, it actually means well to celebrate it once in a year. Hey, we depend on our parents to support us financially okay. Girls, be patient until we're working men, then Valentine's Day is made available to you everyday.. and if you can't wait, leave us and find working men who you think can support you. hahahaha... in fact, it's not just about money, we're actually talking about love here, am I right? Love is a strong element in a relationship, but can also be a weak element because if it's broken, it affects you like sh*t. I'm not saying it's a bad thing.. it's beautiful.
A short fact, Valentine's Day is actually a holiday observed on February 14 honoring one or more early Christian martyrs named Valentinus. It was later deleted from the General Roman Calender of saints in 1969. Though it is celebrated in hundreds of countries around the world, it remains a working day for them. The day first became associated with romantic love, in which by the 15th century, it became an occasion in which lovers expressed their love for each other by presenting flowers, offering confectionery, and sending greeting cards (known as "valentines"). In modern times now, the most famous and popular gift for Valentine's Day is of course chocolates!
Usually men would give chocolates to the lucky ladies of the day to show either their affection or appreciation for whatever reason it is. Thinking about it, it takes me back to the old days, the time when I first received chocs from a girl when I was 13. I only started giving chocs to girls at 14 but usually for only one girl but received many from other girls as well. Since then I've not miss even one Valentine's and 2012 is the first one I've actually given a miss. Am I proud of it? Neah.. I don't feel anything, I'm kinda too busy to even think about it.. I mean, I finished a year being single and that made me proud (my single friends made me feel proud of it, seriously). I gotta hand it to one of my classmates today, as she wished me, "Oh, Zack! Happy Valentine's Day for having the most ex girlfriends in class!". *laugh out loud* that's one way to tell me I was an EPIC FAIL in relationships!
So, that is why I'm ignoring anything to do with Valentine's Day. If I'm even able to correct myself of it, I don't think I have the time to do so. Still, I'm feeling happy for those who will be celebrating their anniversary today as most couples started their relationship on this day and also for those successful married couples especially my parents which "against all odds" they remain strong together before their marriage. I wouldn't be here if it didn't happen right? Anyway, Happy Anniversary for all Valentine couples all over the world! Not forgetting those who will start their special relationship today too.
Other than that, I began to notice Facebook peeps introducing "Forever Alone Day" alongside Valentine's Day. It's meant for those single men and women! I find it funny actually.. some are happy about it while some are sad because.. well there's tons of reasons to look at. Honestly, I'm on neither side but hey.. Happy Forever Alone Day! LOL!
LOL
Friends should be added as a Valentine asset too
What I'm trying to say is.. let every day be a Valentine's Day.. it doesn't matter who is involved, it doesn't have to be Mr. Right or Mrs. Right, your family and friends should be counted too as they are the ones who love you for who you are first before your girlfriend or boyfriend. In fact, a special relationship starts from friendship so don't forget about that!
Hi guys, I'm back again to blogging. been not have that much time and usually I've not new ideas about what to blog. Even my previous post was actually an old post that never made it into my blog until now. Things have been quieter now since then.. well, literally it was always quiet. But I never really felt lonely during the course I was studying at college. And although I was spent most of my time with classmates and housemates, I still needed to talk to someone. The person I cherished and loved the most (other than my family), I called her my Best Friend Forever.
However, it seem now like we're not even friends at all..
We argued a few times before.. especially last year in 2011. It started with a break in our special relationship, then you tried to be friends with me but being the stubborn one, I was reluctant at first. I took that opportunity to fire you back with heated words in every conversation we had. and honestly, with every conversation, I felt bad doing so but I wasn't thinking wisely at the time. The day you couldn't take it anymore, we lose contact again. I couldn't take it as well, I can't seem to accept being friends with you. It would be too painful for me to bear. but it's not like the first time I have to bear with you.
when your mum have to come into the picture, we reconciled and we became friends again.. in which I was still not being entirely honest about it. I was again trying to break this all up. Slowly I began to change my mind and then opened up more to you but clearly still holding back many things that I wanted to say. I soften up and became more comfortable in this "friendship". I guess it's because it reminds me a lot of us when we're together doing things. Though, the only part missing was you pissing me off *giggles*.
All the time we were chatting, I tend to forget that you're already with someone else.. or maybe I just didn't care. I understand that it's kinda not right for me to say or do this but we're just "friends" right? I mean.. at least that's what you think. Usually, I would try to tell you hints about what I thought about all our conversations.. that this may be the last that I'll be able to contact you like this. because when we'll finally meet, it will not be the same again. I have to "control" myself from then onwards when that happens. You know, for the sake of your current relationship to be a happy one. It is my tendency to make everyone happy. Maybe that's why I'm always feeling sad and alone. Still, the one thing important to me, is that you're happy.
Perhaps that I let my feelings get the better of me.. it was a stupid move to let you know about my feelings towards you. I was mad, because you didn't know.. again I forgot about your current relationship. You have to push me away, all the friendship that you offered me are all now taken back. I tried to change your mind but as usual, I have to let you go. I felt worse than how I lose you before.. I don't need to say more; being the emotional guy I am.
You are going to read this too after I posted this.. therefore, I got something to say to you; what you did was right when you pushed me away. It was the best decision possible, I don't have anything against it if it were for the best. However, just letting you know that, I'm always available to talk to whenever you're free. Otherwise, I will just ignore you (with good reason).
please do not take pity on me, simply understand why some friendships are important to each individual. I failed to maintain mine, I have to live with that..
"Lee Chong Wei, for me, he is currently the most celebrated badminton player in Malaysia. in fact, he is THE BEST player Malaysia ever had. I'm supporting him not solely because he's a Malaysian, but as a player and person. I totally love every move he makes; his skills, speed, power and defence. although Lin Dan has got a slightly better form than Chong Wei, I still prefer Chong Wei."
back in the days when I first started playing badminton, I don't know what was going on in the world of badminton. I only knew that it is my family's most favourite and played sports. as a matter of fact, badminton is the only sport I can play well.
in 2006, the name "Lee Chong Wei" rang into my ears by my friends who also fancy badminton. at that time, he just recently won the Malaysia Open defeating Lin Dan in an epic final where he was down by 13-20 in the decider (3rd set) and eventually won 23-21. I got interested in this person and asked them who is this person who won the title mentioned. at that time also, I wasn't allowed to use the internet so I have to ask from my friends regarding this badminton sensation. he was ranked 4 in the world at that time before shooting up to no.1 for a short period of time. when I finally get hold of the internet at home, immediately I searched for videos of all his matches. from there, I was inspired; I wanted to play like him.
from then on, I got to know many other great players in the world like Taufik Hidayat, Peter Gade, Chen Hong, Sony Dwi Kuncoro, Lin Dan, and more. badminton in singles category became my 1st choice after that. all the way, I've been supporting Lee Chong Wei back at home; from World Championships to Olympics and the Asian Games. despite his lost multiple times at key tournaments, I continued to support him. and because of him, my dream was to become a great badminton player like him one day. however, my parents weren't supportive on the matter. still, I continue to play badminton regularly with my cousins and uncles, where my play style is heavily similar to Lee Chong Wei though a bit slower. because of this, a lot of my friends and family say I resembled him in looks and play style. some even mistaken me as the Malaysian ace.
the attributes of fast movements, crazy defences, and skillful play inspired me to play like LCW
Chong Wei was awarded the Datukship title (equivalent to knighthood in England) upon bringing back silver from the 2008 Beijing Olympics and has been the world no.1 for more than 3 years now (as of 2011). for me, that is indeed a great feat in terms of consistency. he also won the national title 10 times in a row since 2002. an achievement which no Malaysian can beat in a long time.
as a big fan of him, I often get upset with him losing big tournaments. especially the recent World Championships 2011. he was 20-18 up in the decider with only one more point to settle and become the first Malaysian to ever lift the world title. sadly he failed to deliver. despite his loss, he is still a champion to me. some people will lose faith in Chong Wei and go over supporting the bigger name like Lin Dan. well, can't blame them though, people choose their own favourite player. I have to admit, Lin Dan is also my favourite player after Lee Chong Wei.
well, the best thing about this great badminton player; is his humbleness on court and off-court. he is always gracious in defeat, even so in triumph! he is a champion at heart and never let success goes to his head. he never looks down on an opponent and always taking challenges seriously. he is the man to be inspired of.
I have to give a salute to Lee as he is the player carrying the most burden in trying to deliver the goods for Malaysia. besides Chong Wei, who else will carry flag?? upcoming players should emulate China's rising star Chen Long if they want to join the likes of Lin Dan and Lee Chong Wei.
with all there is about Lee Chong Wei, I close this entry with a phrase, "LEE CHONG WEI BOLEH!"
